Has your definition of marriage changed since you became a parent?

is your line for ';better or worse'; different than prior to kids? does ';sickness and health'; mean the same? how about when it comes to your kids? does your spouse's actions/reactions come before your kids needs and emotional health - i.e. does the better or worse outrank the kids?


has your line changed since you had kids in terms of what is okay in your marriage and what isnt?Has your definition of marriage changed since you became a parent?
my kids outrank my marriage vows. if i felt that my marriage was harmful to my kids, i'd leave it. i trust that my husband would do the same, and that devotion to his kids is something i admire about him. we're adults and we can manage on our own, but our kids need us. i have never felt that my marriage and my kids were in conflict and i expect and hope they never will be. but if they were, we would split up before either of us would let our kids get hurt.





but i don't think that fact is inconsistent with what we knew and loved about one another when we got married. so in answer to your title question, no i don't think my definition has changed.Has your definition of marriage changed since you became a parent?
My definition of commitment has changed. I've never been married as you know so I can't apply it to the M word.





Before kids, I was all about us, we can work on anything, hard times are okay, we can work past ANYTHING.





After having my daughter, It was all about HER. Her needs, her well being. We can't be in an unhealthy relationship because it's not fair to her. She shouldn't have to witness the bad times and possibly be scarred by it. You can only work on something for so long without the other person realizing how things are and what they need to do. It comes from both sides.





I was with someone 7 years before having a child, and trying my hardest to work things out for a year after wards. The things I considered okay to work on before, no longer were.
My husband and I became parents before we were married. We got married when our daughter was 13 months old, and I was 5 weeks pregnant with our now 11 month old son.





To me, nothing has changed. Around the time of our daughter's disgnosis of microcephaly, we went through a very rough patch and nearly divorced over it, but we both got some help because we felt it was best to work hard on our marriage, like we always said we would, and we would fight to stay together, for both our sakes', our son's sake and especially our daughter's sake.





Our daughter, especially, needs both of her parents as she goes through this tough period in her life.





For better or for worse...we fought harder BECAUSE we were married, and had lots to lose on both ends.





In sickness and in health...well, I guess that has new meaning for us, but since we decided to stay together, things have been 100 times better, and our daughter, although not where we were hoping she would be after her therapies, is thriving much better than she was before.
No, my definition of marriage has not changed. For better or for worse still means just that: For the best of the best or for the worst of the worst. In sickness and in health? All the same.





Since having kids our marriage has strengthened. My kids do not outrank my marriage vows because I committed to my husband first. Call me selfish or wrong, but that's how I see it.





When it comes to our kids, we both know that a lot of times since our kids still depend on us for everything we have to put them before ourselves. But we do not put them above the marriage. For us, without a healthy marriage we cannot have a healthy family and have healthy relationships with our kids. So we still put the marriage first when needed.





Both my husband and I are committed to work through every last problem, no matter how great or small, together.





Of course if either of us was being chronically abusive we have to put our kids' safety and our own safety first until we can get the proper help. That's a no brainer.





But we see no problem that could arise in our marriage as impossible to work through together. It may take months, weeks, even years or decades. We are still committed to work through them in a healthy way. That may mean separation for a time or it may mean talking a long while after the kids are in bed. Divorce is just not an option for us as long as we are both willing to work together and trust God with our marriage and our family.
Only in the sense that decisions that were good for US, before children, now had to be changed to decisions that were good for all of us. My marriage is my second highest priority- my kids are my first. BUT to me, they are both kind of tied together. By putting my kids as my first priority, that involves them having the healthiest, best parental role models possible- right now that is my husband and I, constantly working to improve our marriage, and trying to display the personal qualities we deem most important. For other people that might mean having to cut one parent out of the child/rens life completely, because it's in the child's best interests. And for others it could mean separation or divorce, because once again, it's in the children's ultimate best interests. In that way, my marriage comes before my kids- I would be willing to sacrifice it, if that was what was best for my children.


I guess my definition has also changed after becoming a parent, in that I now believe marriage really means becoming a team. You have to work together for everything- your marriage, your children, your finances, your home, your happiness as a couple, family and individual. Both halves need to be working towards it, in order to achieve anything.





I think I need more coffee. I'm rambling now
Well, I was a parent before I was married so that part doesn't really apply to me much.


We wrote our own vows and *for better or worse* was not in there. Not to say we won't stick around when times get tough, but it's always been understood that certain things would likely end in a divorce for us and neither of us felt truly comfortable saying that line. I think that's one of the reasons we don't do things to hurt each other (not the main reason- obviously we don't hurt each other because we don't want to) but we know that we are not able to control or stop the other person from hitting the road if one of us screws up big time.





I do think having kids keeps us more sane. Every action we take takes in account the kids lives and we know our choices reflect that.





But nope.. if he (or I) turn into big dipshiz's then we won't subject the kids to it.
For me, my marriage has only strengthened since Benteley. I agree with the first answerer, my son outranks my marriage vows, by far. Because even though I love my husband more than anyone (except Bentley) he has flaws that I can't help but to notice!


And, with your child their flaws are adorable(:





I guess what I'm trying to say is that since marriage, I think that we've become stronger, because we have someone else to take care of that we love very much, and I think that it's just really great for us to have a little baby around the house, because everything is just so much happier.





But before Benteley (my son), my husband used to come home and I'd jump into his arms! Now it's Benteley that's in his arms!
No my marriage has not changed much at all. We do have our moments where the kids come first, but our marriage still out ranks our children. As Gabrielle said, I married and committed to my husband first. But that does not mean our kids are any less important.





When we said for better or for worse we took that literally.
Im not married,I am with the father of my child. But my child will always come first before and after marriage.